Lunch Roast

I honestly can't recall the last time someone asked me why I don't have a girlfriend. I mean come on! Isn't it obvious? Do I have to spell it out for you?

But then, it just had to happen.

In the pantry right after lunch, I was having coffee with our accountant. He's a family-man, probably in his late 30s, with 3 kids. He was reading the paper when out of nowhere he asked, "Darc ano sports mo?"

I answered with a sly smile.

He asked again, "Eh girlfriend meron?"

"Wala sir."

"Kahit noong college?"

"Wala rin sir."

"Eh ganito na lang, may nagustuhan ka ba pero feeling mo hindi ka pa ready ligawan?"

I'm pretty sure it was because of the coffee. I started to sweat.

"May ganun ba sir? Hindi pa ready manligaw?"

"Eh kunwari you were stranded on an island, sino sa officemates natin ang gusto mong makasama? Si Cathy or si Rose?"

I was tempted to say none of the above. Of course it was the lesser evil.

"Si Cathy sir, mas mabait."

"Ah, sige. Sabihin ko kay Cathy ligawan ka na niya. Tinanong kasi namin siya minsan ang sabi: 'Kung si Darc pa manligaw sa 'kin baka sagutin ko.'"

The room started spinning. I wanted to throw up.