It is what remains...

They say that today is a world of intangibles. The things that we don't see are the drivers of our progress. Knowledge, resourcefulness, innovation... stuff that we can't really see nor hold but nonetheless change our lives.

But then, there's nothing really new about valuing things we can't physically grasp. As the Fox told the Little Prince, "It is only through the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." And in spite of the fast-paced beating of our daily lives, one essential intangible remains. Its power is timeless and its beauty continues to inspire.

Amid the cheering of the Holidays, a TV bit caught my attention, a human interest story to be shown in one of the local networks. It was about a kid suffering from physical deformities that left his growth stunted. In it, the kid, teary-eyed, tells his mother, "Huwag kang mawawalan ng pag-asa ha?"

Hope. When all else is lost, it is what remains.

I'm sure each of us has gone through some form of difficulty this year. Be they finances, family problems or matters of the heart, at some point, we might have felt as if we're running on empty with nothing more to give. But then we pushed on. And in trying to make sense of our difficulties, holding on proves invaluable in seeing through our hardships.

So here's to dark moments and better days! For in the kaleidescope and see-saw of life, even if we lose everything, one thing must remain... hope.

Merry Christmas to the many beautiful people that blessed my life this year... and that includes you!

=)

Teach Me

I never thought teaching would be this difficult. Every meeting is a practical mine of self-doubt.

Am I making sense?
Am I being credible?
Are these kids following me?
What are they saying behind my back?

More than finding time to prepare my lectures, it's looking the part and making myself professor-ly that's difficult. Minus 6 or 7 years, my students are the same age as I. And that's not exactly a different generation. Being more or less in touch with how they think, I am all the more reminded of how ruthless students can be to professors they don't like. Seriously, that's what's stressing me out.

And just recently, I had this "incident" when after attending an earlier orientation, one of my classes dissed me and missed my session. Save for a handful, most of them decided to skip my class... when they were in fact already in school! I saw them! I attended the same orientation for crying out loud! And to add insult to injury, they were pleading all sorts of excuses to extend the submission of a one-page paper I assigned last week. Geez, come on! It's a one-page paper!

I'd like to think that I'm very straightforward with my students. What you see is what you get. These are my requirements and these are my expectations. And I seriously doubt if I'm a terror professor.

I guess that's it. I'm torn between treating these guys as adults who can make informed decisions and treating them as kids who need to be trained and disciplined. But then I made a firm resolution early on that I WILL NOT BE A BABYSITTER!

It's kinda frustrating and I thank God that he made me a little clueless and dense by nature. I'm not really devastated by this recent power struggle. If at all, it made me think of maximizing my arsenal to drive home a point. And for graduating kids, I guess there's nothing more potent than their final grades. But if so, then why did they wage this "war" to begin with? Shouldn't they be bowing before me and throwing themselves at my feet?

Oh well, at least I get to exercise my patience and better judgment. I have no intentions of throwing a fit to express my frustration. In fact, I've made a mental note of how I should act if and when this power struggle escalates into an actual confrontation:



Dramatic pause 1.

Ask, "Ano'ng problema natin?"

Dramatic pause 2.

Ask, "Bakit niyo ako binabastos?"

Dramatic pause 3 followed by an even more dramatic bow.

Darc raises his head and says:

"Class dismissed."

If I find nobody moving - and I do hope they find themselves stunned and off-balanced - Darc says:

"Get the hell out of this classroom... now!" in a raised but not shouting voice.



'Di ba? I may be frustrated and seething in anger... but I vow to at least do it in style.

Good luck naman talaga!

Of Plates, Loans and Shoes

He reminisced how through a stormy night, he hurdled fallen trees and braved the rains just so he could beg for a can of sardines from the sari-sari store. Young as he was back then, he knew that times were difficult for his family... they've always been. Besides, he knew how it was to sacrifice. He remembered how his older brother "borrowed" the coins he kept in his piggy bank. And how helpless he seemed as he shed a tear or two, alone in the corner.

He says he struggled through college, juggled long walks to school with the careful preparations of his plates. He can't afford a repeat. He didn't have the money to buy extra sheets of paper. No wonder he didn't finish. A year before graduation, he dropped. He had to find work.

*****

She later found out that keeping a family was difficult. She already had three kids and try hard as she did, her husband's wage wasn't enough to make ends meet. One day, she went to her mother and asked for help. A sister sent some money from abroad and she earnestly wished that part of it could be loaned to her. But then her mother said no, vehemently said no.

She went home teary eyed... and her second son had no choice but to watch her as she sobbed in silence.

*****

He woke up early that day. He had a school competition to join. Being in second grade, that was one of the rare instances the spotlight was on him. Problem was, his shoes were giving up. He put on his white polo jacket and his blue shorts. He had on his white socks... and a pair of shoes with a pair of detached soles flapping back with his every step.

Having taped together shoes wasn't that bad... all the more reason to have the spotlight on him. At least now, he'd still be able to join the program. Unlike last time when his parents couldn't afford the printed shirt for a school dance... and he had no choice but to watch everyone else's bags as he cried and looked over the hallway.

i AM in love with a cyber-celebrity

My laptop's still on top of my faux wood table... and yes, I'm still my cyberloafing self.

A year has passed since I professed.
A year of stories written.
A year of stories read.

A year of humbling opportunities to meet some who live my vicarious life.

It was a bittersweet journey of letting go and holding on. I learned, unlearned and relearned. Cliche as it may seem, I am still under construction... after throwing things away just to take in more complications.

Through this space I was able to cross paths with wonderful writers who, I'm glad to have found out to be even more wonderful persons. I am blessed by you and I am honored by your time.

Now where to Darc Diarist, where to?

I mark this day.
I mark this time.

For the one who fell in love... IS now in love.

Limos

A great part of me wishes that I could find a boyfriend who makes me feel as if I'm the only one who matters. Yes, it's selfish. Yes, it's irrational. But when you've always felt as if you're the least of priorities, that self-centered desire becomes all the more enticing. I mean I don't think I'm high maintenance and I don't think I'm demanding. Maybe that's it, I don't demand. That's why I can get moved to last. Everybody can never get cancelled... everybody except me.

My heartbreak story made me resolve to no longer ask for pittance. Ayoko na manlimos ng oras at panahon... simply because there's nothing more genuine than love that's freely given, time freely given.

No haggling.
No bargaining.
No arm-twisting.
No choices to be made between you and someone else...

Simply because you are the obvious choice.

But then on the flipside, why should my time depend on someone else's? If I can get cancelled and moved around just like that, then it only means that I should have a greater hand in determining how I spend my time. Breaking free from being a loser starts with deciding that I matter and that MY TIME rests on MY HANDS.

And for that, my birthday weekend is now officially booked. I expect gifts ha! Lol. I kid, I kid. There's no better present than your presence. Hallmark much? Haha :P

Weekend has arrived
Everybody's trying to find something to get into
My friends wanna go out
But I can't cancel my plans

Got a date with my baby
He's taking me out so I'm gonna catch up with you
Some other day, gotta go
Can't make him wait tonight

Have to make sure I'm looking hot
'Cause we're going to our favorite spot
'Til the morning we're gonna rock
Boy, you knock me up, yeah

My baby, doesn't matter what's going on or who's around us
All I see is you
Right now they're playing our song, the dance floor is ours
All I see is you

The DJ's got me feeling like I did
When I first met you
And there's nothing that can break us apart in two
All I see is you

- All I See, Kylie Minogue

The O-Soap

I don't have Ad Sense nor am I a Nuffnang member so this is an honest to goodness rave about a surprise of a product.

I love Oilatum!

I got hold of a sample a week or two ago and I immediately fell in love with it. Talk about vanity! Lol. Aside from drying up the bumps on my face in just a matter of two or three washes, what I love most about Oilatum is that I feel super clean after using it. It's like having a protective film over my skin! Yes, to me (n.b. my OC self), that is it's biggest selling point. And mind you, it's not the dried up squeaky clean feeling you get with ordinary soap. It's like a breathable plastic layer that makes you feel super uber really clean. Did I mention that it makes you feel super clean? Haha.

Basta! I love Oilatum. I wish it rains Oilatum, that way, I'll save up on vanity expenses. Lol. It's quite pricey by my standards at P150 a bar. But given that I don't have any other skin routine in line, it's worth definitely outweighs its cost.



Yey, to my first non-emo, non-sense, vanity-related post. Haha :P

Swan

While waiting with colleagues at the hotel lobby, I saw a familiar face, a former college classmate. I actually stared at her and she stared back. After a couple of long-drawn seconds, she still wasn't reacting and at that point, I started doubting if I was staring at someone I know. Yes, I know it's rude to stare and I won't think of doing that to a stranger in a million years! She was a couple of steps away when finally her eyebrows gave out a semi-puzzled look and her lips quievered in a half-jesting smile. Finally, she recognized who I was!

After some small talk and a little urging from her for me to enroll in the same gym she was heading to, we exchanged numbers and said our "See yahs!" Not soon after, while treading the traffic trap that is EDSA, I received a message on my phone that said: "U look good!"

That made me smile. I guess I'm ageing well. This bodes well for the ugly duckling. I guess I do have a future after all! :)