Hero to Zero

Hey little sister,

You probably don't remember but I was your hero when we were little. It was a Saturday. Dad was at work and mom was busy doing chores outside the house. It was almost mid-day but you were still sound asleep. Suddenly, a scream from the neighbor. A yell for help as sparks fizzled in their house. Busted electrical wirings. And soon flames. Instinct told me to grab you and rush out of the house. I was eight, you were barely one. And their door was a foot away from ours.

Hey little sister,

I have a confession to make. Much like mom, I sneak around your back and read the messages in your phone and the letters you keep tucked in your wallet and that tin spongebob lunchcase. I never knew you felt pressured to do good in class. I thought you were naturally driven, being bossy and assertive and all. But what struck me most was a letter from one of your friends when you failed to graduate top of your class. I never wanted to set a bar for you to surpass.

Hey little sister,

I know we joke about it often but I do feel a tad bit hurt. You not wanting to end up like me - confused, aimless, yes, quite a loser. You told me you wanted to take up that three-letter course, be a scientist, and dabble with evolution and permutations. But after a quick look at me - stubborn to pursue what I thought I wanted yet ending up broke - you settled for another three-letter track to crunch numbers, add and minus dreams.

Hey little sister,

Remember when I got back from my trip last summer? You probably noticed how broken I was. I knew it was too much to ask, too much to expect that I, a grown-up man would seek solace in my little sister. And so perhaps confused, the best you could muster was a half-teasing yet stern warning: "Kuya, next time maging choosy ka naman kasi."

Hey little sister,

It has been months since dad retired. And now, we're left to sort out our finances. I was caught off-guard when you asked for money last night. I guess the allowance I set aside for you really ain't enough. I scoured my wallet but all I found were two 50's and three 20's. I managed to cough out a laugh.

Hey little sister,

It's me, kuya... merry christmas.