Friday, March 25

Friday Morning Downer

"Mag-thirty ka na wala ka pang na-aachieve sa buhay. Iyong mga alumni ng org namin na ka-batch mo ang-yayaman na. Ikaw wala pa rin."

So much for familial love right? That's my sister giving me yet another beating earlier this morning. I seriously smell her frustration over me going nowhere, achieving nothing. And this theme of being compared to other people my age has been an overly recurring theme. Heck, even I do it. And yes, there's a pinch of sadness and hurt whenever that "thing" is raised. On one hand it's about meeting expectations that other people and even I set for myself. On the other, it's about genuine concern for material security, of things that I feel I should provide my family yet fail to give. Never mind that my ego gets bruised whenever these moments of assessment happen. I just pray that my parents live long enough to see the day when I can give them a comfortable life. No thinking of whether they should continue working to help sustain the house. No thinking of cutting down on things just so their retirement money would last. No thinking of me not getting to where I'm supposed to be.


To you, I am happy that I kinda made your day light. With all the confusions and disappointments you've been having lately, acknowledging my presence as providing a quick respite gives me something to smile about. But you see, even I have bouts with doubt. It is a constant struggle. It is difficult and it often brings you to tears. The real test is in turning the other way and looking at the brighter side of things. Counting your blessings and realizing that in spite of you not getting to where you want to be, you are still in a better place, a far far better place.

Remember, we take it one day at a time. When all else fails, we have nothing left to do but believe... just believe.

Thursday, March 3

Look who's talking now? 0:-)

The road to perdition is paved with good intentions. Yet good intentions often get muddled in a sequence of haggling, letting go, and looking the other way.

When you have unprecendented social capital to effect unprecedented change, yet you continue to fail, then it simply is a matter of competence. And it's not even about patience but a matter of setting clear direction. And when your walk differs from your talk, then integrity is in question. One cannot be a prophet of change when he himself cannot do it. Such reeks of self-righteousness.

When you are the most powerful person in the country yet justice eludes the blood-stained hacienda of your family, that is a problem. When you have time to do joyrides in the wee hours of the night yet has only convened your cabinet thrice in a span of 9 months, that is a problem. When the people you surround yourself with have no idea of the basics of diplomacy, much less the basics of etiquette, that is a problem.

Seeing how Manolo Quezon spitted bs while being grilled by Prof. Monsod last night was an uneasy and painful experience. The staunch critiques then seem to fare no better now that they are in the seat of power. And then I am reminded of a theory in the Politics of Change: that post-revolutionary regimes are more ruthless than the ones they replaced. As for our case, ruthless could be easily replaced by ineffective.

But alas, blinded homage continue to buoy him. And in the circus of exchanges, the defensive is the one rendered emotional... what with the call for trust that at the very least can be called messianic.