Monday, February 24


I blame Starting Over.

D: I think I'm falling for you. So I need to say goodbye.

D: That's unfair. You can't say bye to friends (ouch).

D: But it's the only way to keep me sane. I know you'll be happy.

Then he sends this a couple of days after:

D: I know I shouldn't be texting you but ex sent me a message saying sorry.

D: Go for second chances.

But then yesterday, Iza Calzado said that she's friends with all her exes, so...

D: No hard feelings between us right? Just forget about my drama last week. I hope you and your ex get your second chance!

D: Yeah, you've been good to me, really. Except for the time you said bye.

So tell me who's brave? Lol

Thursday, January 16

Hospital D


Went up the pantry to get some coffee when I suddenly felt my thighs aching. Must've been the squats I did yesterday. Nothing that a few stretches can't fix. Went back down to my workstation, felt really tired. Head's now aching, felt like a giant clamp was squeezing a quarter of my face - from my right eye up. Had to drag myself home. Was feeling really weak.

Got home and complained of a really bad headache. It was the first time I felt that bad. Took some paracetamol. Headache's now coupled with fever. Someone at home went out to buy a thermometer. Can't remember the last time I had to use one to get my temp. The stick beeped, it was a 39. Was exchanging messages with doc; told me that it could be dengue.

It was a miracle I was able to sleep. That headache was the worst I've had ever.


Tatay accompanied me to the ER. Awesome, not a lot of people! A nurse took my vitals, asked me to fill out some forms and wait. Was called into a cubicle. The doctor ordered tests: blood, x-ray, urinalysis. Was asked to get some breakfast before I could be given meds for the fever.

Went around the hospital for the labs. Bought some food at the lobby coffee shop while Tatay bought some Gatorade at the nearby drugstore. Hardly ate. Felt like throwing up. Was really weak and really cold, I had to stand by the stretcher just outside the ER. Doctor's shift ended, was endorsed to another one.

Called back into the cubicle. Was a foot away from the chair when I saw the note on the lab results. Yep, it was dengue.

Good news, my platelets are within the normal range. Was advised to hydrate, take paracetamol, and watch out for bleeding. No dark colored food.

Went home to break the news. I. Can. Not. Eat.

Went back to my bed, still feeling worst than I've ever felt. Seriously, I felt like dying.

Nanay chopped up some apples. Juiced two carrots. An hour or so later, threw up that forced lunch. We needed to go back to the hospital. Throwing up was a sign.

Back at the ER, another round of blood work. My platelet count was still normal. Discharged.


Had another round of blood work first thing in the morning. Still normal... and still cannot eat.


My arm's got a handful of needle holes. Hmmm... my platelet count went slightly up.


Went back to the ER to get my platelet count. Was not discharged. Substantial drop. Had to be admitted.

Was on a stretcher, about lunch time, first IV ever. It wasn't as bad as I imagined... but it was a little itchy.

ER people went noticeably conscious. A lady doctor with some residents - yep, cute residents. lol - came in; trajectory: my bed.

Lady doc looked up my chart, ordered an ab ultrasound, and pressed around my tummy.

Even if I'm sick, I don't like the attention of being taken care of. But when the wheelchair arrived for my trip to the radiology unit, I was too weak to protest. Sonogram done. And now we wait again at the ER. About 30 minutes lapsed, room was finally free. Wheeled up for my first hospital stay.

It was gloomy outside. My parents went back home to get some supplies. I was alone in my room watching cars drive by.


My arm was getting spotty from all the needles that pricked me at around 4:30 in the morning. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks came at predictable times. Oh and sheets were replaced at around 8am. I remember sitting down near the door as Nanay watched KrisTV.

Nurses and doctors would come in, get my vitals, give me meds. It was a routine save for this lady resident waking me up at around 1am just to poke me around with her steth. And there was this nurse who aside from getting my temp and bp, also took my pulse rate and wrote down his name on the white board across the bed. Found out from a friend who used to work in the hospital that said nurse asked him to introduce us. I still look pretty even if I'm dying and unwashed. Lol.

And thanks to friends who dropped by. There were just too many fruits, I had to share them with the nursing staff.


Blood results came in. Platelet count was up after dropping the past few days. The lady doctor - who I later found out was quite an institution in her field - told me that she's discharging me. That was most welcome. My IV hand was already swollen and was itching like crazy.

Asked Tatay to buy a cake for the nursing staff. Nanay cleared the bill: around P200 for my morning vitamins. Thank God for healthcards!

Was wheeled down to the lobby, my eyes peeking out the stack of pillows on top of me, and was wheeled back home.

Still felt really weak. At least now without fever. And without that terrifyingly bad headache.


I am in class doing a presentation due last week. All's well... and I am grateful.


I always fancied getting admitted and throwing a party in my hospital room. Far from what I imagined, I was too weak to entertain guests. Nonetheless, your presence was most appreciated, friends.

From that whole episode - staying in the hospital, getting by with just IV and paracetamol while feeling that weak and sick for the first time ever! - I can't help but believe that my getting well was a miracle. My illness had no cure and the anointed time for my healing was set by no one but God.

And it's official, I love sinigang. That was my only saving grace because I had zero appetite for everything else. Lol

Monday, January 6

Retro MD

I'm writing again because - you guessed it! - I'm feeling a tad bit heartbroken.

I blame Got to Believe (teen love whut?!), driving through dark roads, and John Mayer x Katy Perry.

First, I hate your conflicts Got to Believe. Those decisions are too hard for teeners. You're throwing them into life and love situations that are just too difficult to process. Heck I'm already 29 and just imagining myself in similar circumstances is more than enough to make me teary-eyed and spiral into unreasonable sadness for weeks a handful of days. Why can't we just stick to the "magic" part?! I'm even willing to settle for that pseudo-boyband singing Daniel Padilla songs! Ang-hard po ng sacrifices and doing the right thing and first love but cannot be. Sobrang hard po, na-dedepress ako! Lol

Second and third, driving through that road from Sta. Lucia Mall to Ortigas Extension with John Mayer and Katy Perry singing Who You Love on the radio is S-U-I-C-I-D-E! Cold December night, holiday cheer, dreamy lights, and that oh so yummy song inevitably pain the unpaired and yearning. Maybe it's just seasonal affective disorder (SAD) or maybe I'm just being bitter. Lol.


I know that we just see - or used to see - each other on a "casual" basis. You know the drill, no strings attached. And I should've known better: the occasional checks via text are just that. Why I somehow feel a tinge of hurt when I read that you're wishing for your ex back and that you tried meeting people but they just couldn't compare, I haven't figured out yet. Maybe it was because I felt that I was ready to jump in and that you could be that someone to jump in with. Or perhaps because again, I was one of them, instead of being THE one. It would've been great to start the new year on a happy note, but it is what it is.

One's name may very well be one's fate. You write well by the way and I, well I fell in love with a cybercelebrityMD.