I did it and I'm happy to report that I am A-Ok!
I opened my ex's blog and read through each entry. God, what my friends told me were true. He did want to kill me. Imagine, he even wrote something like "I wanna stab a blade through him. Right now, I can hear his bones crunch!" Psycho-much? Good thing I had the sense to run away from him the moment I sobered up.
He found someone new a week or two after we broke up. "Never felt this loved," he wrote. Good for him, I thought. But then he's again single. He was the one who broke up with the new guy. The nerve! Paging anonymous, he was the one who broke up with my replacement. What can you say huh?!
He'd be leaving for his PhD abroad. Again, good for him. I don't know if I told him this before but I made plans. If and when he gets a grant for his PhD, I too would apply for a sholarship myself and follow him wherever he'd go. So much for romantic journeys. Ugh, I cringe.
On a more serious note, I dived into that relationship against my friends' advice simply because I fell for his writing. The honesty. The vulnerability. And there I was, armed with my Messianic complex. I'd comfort you. Take care of you. And that whole comforting and caring lasted for more or less three years. Until I can no longer stand the fact that he kept hanging on to an unrequited love which kept on resurrecting in random guys he came across with. Yep, no touching, no infidelity. Just some serious emotional blackmail.
Note to self: save yourself first!
And what I wrote before stands true. I clicked on the comments section. Darc as minced-meat. Someone even wrote: "Do yourself a favor and stay clear of people who cause you nothing but hurt." Again, paging anonymous, what say you?
But yeah, I guess I've moved on. I got choked when I typed his address and there was a gnawing feeling as the page uploaded one text at a time. But then it must have been the anticipation. The feeling of loneliness and hurt? Didn't bite me at all.
And I have my cybercelebrities to thank for it. In my lowest of lows, at a time when I thought I'd never find someone else who can move me, your words gave me a familiar sense of honesty and vulnerability. And that was way before I opened up this little corner in the blogosphere. Yep, to my original seven, I've been stalking you since early last year! Hehe.
And so as I celebrate this rather happy event, here's a little secret on how I landed on your pages.
One of my bosses is a blogger. On his list of links, I saw Aris, E, Misterhubs, and Badinggerzie. From there, I clicked on Tristan and Mugen. From Mugen, I saw Rain Darwin and Lukayo. I also got hooked on Turismoboi until he shut down his space. The rest, I crossed paths with when I already had this little thing set up. But I'd have to say, I am awed by the talent circling on this side of the blogosphere. Hopping from one post to another, I can't help but be touched by the stories and insights everyone has to offer. So with much appreciation. I thank you guys for your generosity.
And oh, my original cybercrush still stands and he is...