If God wills that I see through this pain and sadness to forever, then by His grace I will endure it. And I can be at peace with myself knowing that I've been nothing but good to you. I loved you fully without second thoughts or reservations. Iningatan kita. I might have been shortchanged, I might have been a mere accessory, there might have been another guy for all I know, pero ok lang. I can hold my head high knowing that I can and did give... in spite of. And even just for that, I am proud, proud that I've been good to you and who knows, that I still am an even better catch. But then A says it's really not about "me" for I've done my part, gave everything I could possibly give. It's about having someone who'd stick by you, someone who won't run at the slightest flick of inconvenience.
Pascal said, "the heart has its reasons which reason knows not of." My heart still wrings with why, why everything happened and ended and why everything seems so easy for you and so difficult for me. M says you still want to go on a lot of adventures but somehow thinks of me before diving into them. I don't want to restrain you even if that means I could never be in your life... come to think of it, I've never really been a part of your life. So go ahead, be free to take on the world and what you wish to make out of it... free of I and the baggage that having me entails. I wrestle with the need to understand but I guess that's really not important. Owning my story, His story, would suffice.