Monday, May 14

Written in the Stars

"You were right. It is all that I have left of her. All my feelings and love for Andrea were in my heart-" he rubbed his eyes-"and hate kills the heart. Even broken ones."
- Richard Paul Evans, Timepiece

I forgive you for making me feel dispensable.
I forgive you for making me compete for your attention.
I forgive you for getting tired, for giving up, for not exerting effort to make up.
I forgive you for making me feel the least of your priorities.
I forgive you for fizzling out in the end.
I forgive you for dragging me into your life's mess.
I forgive you for having me just when you feel like it or whenever it's convenient to you.
I forgive you for planting in me little seeds of hope.
I forgive you for making me sad, for making me feel left out, for making me feel just one of them boys.
I forgive you for taking me then leaving me because you realized I deserve the best and you chose not to be the best.
I forgive you for your broken words, in the end I really was the meantime boy.
I forgive you for your conflicted nature, for knowing what to do yet doing nothing.
I forgive you for your truth and for feeling helpless about it.
I forgive you.

"You must forgive him if you are ever to be free of him. We are chained to that which we do not forgive."
- Richard Paul Evans, The Locket

I told Mark that I'm having a hard time trying to be happy for you. He told me, it's totally fine; it's not my obligation. But he assured me that there will come a time when I'll be genuinely happy for you and that I should wish you well because that's what I would want to wish for myself... to be well.

"I know I'm perfect and not without sin. But now that I'm older, all childish things end and tell Him, tell Him I need Him, tell Him I love him... it will be alright..."

Know that I pray for your happiness. I trust His hand in all these. I myself realized that I won't want to have you broken. I'd rather see you happy, in joy. Life will go on for me. Know that I am ok. I wanted you to feel guilty and see me suffer, for you to own the pain you've caused me. But that's petty and immature. Be free of guilt. I am strong... and if I find that I am not, I will try.

"The words enraged MaryAnne.
'So much to have lost. Everything I held dear is now only a memory.'
'Memories are what we trade our mortality for. What I would do for just memories.'
'Even when they bring such pain?'
Fresh tears fell down MaryAnne's cheek, but the woman only glared at her. Her hard countenance revealed no sympathy. 'There are things worse than pain.'"
- Richard Paul Evans, The Letter

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