Monday, July 30

Barely Breathing


I was alone at home, pacing back and forth and no matter how hard I tried, my lungs didn't seem to be opening up. The cough that's been keeping me down for a week or so was slowly clearing up but still there were times when I found it difficult to breathe. The doctor prescribed an inhaler while my breath tests weren't through. Two turns and then inhale. No more than 4 times in a given day. But that night, I had my quota of 4 in less than two hours. I wanted to pop an extra but was too scared that the steroids might actually do more harm than good.

My head was buzzing just as my palms were tingling. You know that feeling when blood suddenly rushes to a body part's that been cut off from circulation? But then I wasn't turning blue so I thought I was still ok. Deep breathing, I told myself. I tried but then to no avail. Rushing myself to the hospital crossed my mind a few times, nope, make that several times, every ten minutes or so. But then maybe this was just me being a sissy.

And then it hit me, I was alone at home. I didn't want to sleep because I feared not waking up. Nobody was at home to wake me up if I stopped breathing altogether. Nobody was there to look out for me. But when I was too tired to care, 4am signalled a halt. Never mind, I'll be ok.

Friday, July 27


I wired money to a guy I met online, never met in person, never talked to in person.

Said he was a Balikbayan having a vacation alone somewhere South. He went out to shop and lost his wallet to a pickpocket. Ergo, he doesn't have money to go back to the airport. He asked if I could loan him money for fare and a few meals. Being the gullible guy that I am, I obliged and dropped some cash via Western Union. And of course, after claiming the money, his messages were nowhere to be found.

I knew I was being duped but I played along anyway.

Oh well that's me.
Fully aware of being scammed yet doing it anyway.
Fully aware of being shortchanged yet enduring it anyway.

Wednesday, July 25

After Office Stuff

I can't live without dental floss. And it's really funny when you learn that you're out of it. You pull out the floss and then surprise, you get around just 30cm! I get really anxious if I do not floss so when that happened a couple of nights ago, I quickly grabbed my wallet and headed to the nearest convenience store.

"Punta ako 7/11," I told everyone who at that time was comfortably slumped in front of the tube.

Then Tatay turned to me, looked at me, and as if startled, blurted out: "Nakasando ka lang?!"

I don't know what made him ask that, nope, made him state that. But as every son will rightfully do, I replied... "Bakit? Ma-rerape ba ako sa labas?!"

That and my Nanay getting really fond of calling everyone "Teh" to the point that I even heard her say "Teh, paabot nga ng salamin ko." Nope, she wasn't talking to me. She was talking to Tatay.

And that my friends is how we are at home ;)

Tuesday, July 24


Typhoon, the beach, and I = a perfect combination.

And when I was just too tired to care, I just allowed the winds to blow through, the water to seep in, and sleep inside a flooded tent. It was cold, it was dark, but it was fun. Yes it was fun :)

Monday, July 23

The Darc Knight Rises

Coming back, moving on.
Learning from Alfred that the reason for your wallowing really chose someone else.
Getting your back broken.
Building yourself up again.
Getting out of a hell hole.
Because fear inspires you to take that big leap out.

Fear. I remember telling someone soon after that I was scared.
"Scared of what?" he asked.
I really didn't know. All I know was that I was scared.
Perhaps because I can't cry? I didn't know how to cry.

And then Ms. Kyle says, "You don't owe these people anymore."
The Dark Knight says he hasn't given his all.
But what if you already did?

Cheap love is when it's all talk.
Talk is cheap right?

And then there's Bane who speaks of hope as instrumental to despair.
So who gave you that glimmer of hope that put you now in despair?
Kill all hope. Or then again, let it die a natural death.
Natural death.

He promised Utopia. He was a messiah.
Because this time, you can claim what's rightfully yours.
In his mind he was a good guy.
But then again talk is cheap.
Cheap love.

Have you ever had a Bane in your life?