Thursday, February 18

A Nothing Journal Post

Something's seriously wrong with me. And I sort of know what it is.

I dread this empty sadness. This uninspired feeling. Entertaining thoughts that it's ok to just go. If I hadn't known myself better, I'd say it's contentment. But then I don't feel any sense of relief. It's a flatline. Stagnant. Unmoving.

Or maybe I'm just exhausted. Yep, I guess that's what it is. Especially since I'm starting to get spaced out more often... again.

And no, I'm not about to do a travailer. I'm not looking for my someone. At least not just yet. But let me do a repeat: it's like running on empty. I go through the motions of living. Wake up. Pretend to be busy. Eat. Breathe. Stare. The works. What more if I have my someone? Running on empty isn't exactly the ideal type. What could I possibly give? I'll just end up in heartache.

Suddenly, MkSurf8's rum Coke seemed very appealing. I've always liked rum Coke... and Johnny Walker with Coke... and Bacardi Limon... and good old Mindoro sling. But I've used up my alcohol limit over the holidays. I guess that's why I'm not getting any better. I can't say no to friends... or I just enjoy getting drunk. For real? I wanna get drunk... right now.

And I signed up for a three day retreat some time March. Hope that turns out alright. Here's to dipping my toes to the waters of faith. Life and directions. My life and what directions?

Or I'll just do an alone trip. Sagada looks promising. But then my lungs might freeze and that's not exactly a good thing. Or La Union and attempt to surf. Or Donsol with the whalesharks. Whales PLUS sharks. Whales AND sharks.

I'm hypochondriac and OC. Nurse friend told me I'm a serious case. A colleague floated psychosomatic when I told her I feel sick.

And I like washing dishes.

And I ramble.

And I stop.

So much for nonsense.

Hey... stop.

And that little globe things is kinda indulgent, I know. But it's 3D and it spins and I could play with it. Twirl it and feel as if I'm on top of things. Hey world, you're not playing me, I am playing you!

Seriously, enough with the nonsense.

Stop.

27 comments:

  1. when someone mentions nothing, there is something. not seen, nor read, nor felt, but there is...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with geek, this is not a nothing post. I've learned things about you more here than in your other posts. =)

    ReplyDelete
  3. i agree with geek. hindi pwedeng magrant ng ganito kung wala lang. hmmmm.

    dumarating yata lahat ng tao sa ganyang phase sa buhay.

    dapat nga siguro meron ka ng inspirasyon.

    goodluck darc :D enjoy the retreat next month :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. You were honest, at the very least.

    Or: I agree with them.

    ReplyDelete
  5. whales and sharks AND giant mantas.

    AND banded seasnakes!

    underwater bliss.... :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I wanna try whatever it is you're smoking =P

    ReplyDelete
  7. savor the moment..wait, do not savor. argh.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @geek: but i'm not really sure what that something is so for now, i guess it's nothing...

    @engel: ;)

    @jepoy: yep. mood swings ba? hmmm...

    @manech: i just might agree with you guys too. hehe

    ReplyDelete
  9. i love ash. hehe

    but i love johnny cursive even more. lol. wait 'til you see me drunk. hehe

    @paci: semi-savor the moment then? ;)

    @erick: yep, take it easy...

    ReplyDelete
  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  11. can you please pass the rhum coke? i love the rush of things... the sudden turn of events.

    ReplyDelete
  12. you like washing the dishes? same here, same here!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. spewing non-sense is sometimes good. you just need a breather =D

    btw, the new profile pic, i like ;)

    ReplyDelete
  14. namiss ko tuloy maging sabaw at high at lasing sa tabing dagat

    ReplyDelete
  15. i love how this just flows really well. parang nagsasalita ka lang. it's more telling than your other posts, i have to agree.

    ReplyDelete
  16. uy special mention. =)

    just get out of the usual. do something different. explore =)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Someone used to tell me that RumCoke is the worst concoction that one can ever drink. All the harmful chemicals are in it.

    But whoever says alcohol is good for us anyway?!

    So go and add a cherry on the rumcoke. It tastes better.

    hehe

    ReplyDelete
  18. lol @ travailer. mag-sama kayo ni johnny cursive. i'm not pulling an amy winehouse noh. sings: they try to make me go to rehab but...

    @wanderingcommuter and bunwich: ayan lumalabas na ang mga alcoholic. lol

    @kikit: yep, and i love cleaning bathroom too. hehe

    @lee: hey that's in davao. paradise isalnd ba iyon?

    ReplyDelete
  19. @johnnycursive: sabaw nga ako. writing rum Coke, retreat and dishwashing in one post, how sabaw can you get? lol

    @nyl: i need to be more sabaw then. hayay... :)

    @mksurf8: i will, i will ;)

    @iurico: oohh it does? hmmm...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Nonsense? I beg to disagree. It is nothing, and it is everything. The seemingly mundane details, trivial to most, amount to the consciousness we inhabit. The genius loci of our psyche. Because god, and the devil, are both in the details.

    I, too, am obsessive-compulsive. Much so to the detriment of peers, and a great advantage at work. Hypochondriac much, self-medication junkie. Frustrated deductive diagnostician. Label-reading, systematic, calculating, organizationally stubborn, and anal, among other things.

    These quirks, and eccentricities, make us unique. Apart from the humdrum of normality that society forces down our throats. Because we are more than our mannerisms.

    But sadly people often only see the mannerisms.

    ReplyDelete
  21. ah yah. paradise island resort in samal. suddenly i miss the beach =)

    ReplyDelete
  22. wow, i got a comment from red! and it's 4 paragraphs. yey. hehe

    @lee: beach tayo! :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. a comment I received before says this about talking about nothing:

    "Talking about nothing is a topic in itself"

    ReplyDelete
  24. hmm, i guess. hehe... or just plain papansin. i.am.guilty. lol ;)

    ReplyDelete