Friday, March 5

Look Back!

I regret one thing: not looking back.

They re-ordered the sequence so that I'd be the last to enter the quadrangle. The air smelled of summer and the century-old cobblestones made the the already scenic afternoon even more romantic. The marker at the entrance said that in one of the rooms surrounding the open space, the revolution's secret was confessed. It used to be a seminary. And that day, I was to end a calling.

The march began and as us kids went in, flashes tried to capture that juncture in our personal histories. I remember clutching a folder with some notes in it. Some ramblings for the customary time alloted for the last one to enter the grounds. I was one of the few kids with a corsage pinned on our clothes. From the rows you could see the drama kids from the school play. Ribbons tied the orchids on our chests. It was a thoughtful surprise from our director who became a kuya and a friend.

The rites went on. And the sun set as each kid went up the stage. By the time my classmates were called, yellow light filled the old space. Soft and sleepy... it was a peaceful glow. Most were already tired, even more were starving. Perhaps that's why when the last name was called, the unexpected cheer made me want to cry. Applause and a couple of hoots. The best thing was, it was unsolicited, given freely.

When I got back to my seat, after passing through familiar faces that I almost didn't recognize because of their smiles, a friend told me, "Congrats friend, we did a standing ovation."

And then it hit me, I didn't look back.

I should've looked back.

*****

To them who stood with and by me that day, and to you who reads this, I am humbled. No words will measure up to the generous time you freely give for this space. I am indebted to you and I don't know if it will suffice but yeah, with all the sincerity I could possibly muster...

Thank you!

20 comments:

  1. why did you not look back then?

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  2. @geek: i honestly don't know. i must have been scared to do something unexpected. it's not in the program for me to look back...

    @travailer: good revision. you got me all worried!

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. already did. don't mind me. it hurt the first time i read it but i know john means well. read his post, "may ganiyan rin ako, promise!"

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  5. Well, I'm sure a lot of people enjoy reading you. I know I do. :)

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  6. i second that manech. i enjoy reading your thoughts sir. :)

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  7. manech, that's exactly why i am humbled :)

    thanks nimrod. summer started early sa inyo ha, walking by the beach, holding hands... hehe

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  8. An excuse we can use is by just saying that you were "in the moment" so it was not your fault that you did not look back.

    But then again, you should have. However, let me tell you something about what educators think when it comes to their graduating students. We wish and hope that they will not look back. Yes we like gratitude but we also want our students to not be stuck in the moment. I always say to my students:

    "Keep your eyes on the prize. Never look back"

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  9. as usual eecho nanaman ako. i enjoy it too. :D

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  10. i'd have to second menthos na you were just in the moment. and at least di ba you knew that they stood with and by you that day :)

    and hey, thank you for sharing! dami kami nageenjoy reading you =D

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  11. Darc... thanks for following my blog. loooove it. wala namang ganung kaganapan. just kissing while lying on the sand lang. ganun lang. LOL.

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  12. @mac: yep... from long ago. hehe

    @nimrod: mas malala pa pala sa holding hands by the beach. lol

    @xtian: :)

    @lee and menthos: ngayon ko lang naisip iyong "being in the moment." hugs much...

    nyl!!!!! wala lang. hehe

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  13. To most of us, masaya yung feeling ng achievement pag grumaduate. Yung hischool grad ko panget eh, naiyak ako :-(

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  14. ano naman ang panget sa pag-iyak sir? :)

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